Belonging
When I was a child, my father became a member of a newly formed social service organization modeled after groups such as Rotary and Lions.
At the time, this seemed like an unusual commitment. My parents were not wealthy. In fact, they were rebuilding their lives after a period of significant financial hardship and near bankruptcy. My mother, who had grown up in a comfortable and affluent household, found herself taking on whatever work she could find to help support the family. She taught cooking classes from our home, rode on a bicycle to work as a schoolteacher, took on sewing jobs, and contributed in countless ways that children rarely notice until they become adults themselves. We could not afford a scooter, much less a car, and my mother often went hungry so we could eat. It was a stark contrast from our better days. My siblings and I shared a small bicycle that was a gracious hand-me-down from my cousins.
Now, when I look back on those years, I do not remember them as years of deprivation.
Instead, I remember hope and trust. I remember with awe the sacrifices my parents made. I fondly remember close and affectionate relatives and cousins who helped when help was needed. I remember my father’s friends who were there when he needed them. And I remember community events which brought everyone together with a shared mission to serve.
Looking back, I realize that my parents’ efforts produced something very valuable. They created a sense of belonging, and an extended family beyond family.
And thirty-five years later, that community still stands. It feels like the line from Cheers, “where everybody knows your name,” had been written especially for me. Perhaps that’s why I loved country music too.
As youngsters, we rarely appreciate the significance of such things. We assume that relationships, friendships, and familiar faces are simply part of life. Only later, sometimes well into our forties, do we recognize how much meaning and comfort a sense of belonging provides.
Like many immigrants to America, I initially focused on prosperity, seeking comfort and a better standard of life, and much of my attention was directed toward education, career growth, financial stability, and professional advancement. Yet, because of the early influence of community participation on my life, I also found myself drawn toward local organizations, volunteer efforts, and community programs. Shortly after arriving, I joined a program with local law enforcement and volunteered at soup kitchens with local charities. Over the years, even as I unfortunately drifted from these activities, I met and admired countless people who devoted their time and energy to helping others without expecting anything in return.
What drew me is not just selfless service, but also the sense of connection that emerges through shared effort. People who work together toward a common purpose often develop bonds, and a sense of fulfilment that is not possible to buy.
This is why belonging occupies such an important place in the American Dream.
When most people imagine the American Dream, they picture familiar symbols. A home. A yard. A neighborhood. Children playing outside. Friends gathering for a barbecue. Familiar faces at school, at church, at local events, and around town.
What makes those images appealing is relationships. We naturally imagine a community that shares in both life’s joys and its hardships. Belonging gives meaning to prosperity. It transforms a location into a home and a collection of individuals into a community.
In recent times our sense of belonging has suffered. Modern life rewards mobility. We move for college, move for jobs, move for promotions, move for housing, and move for opportunity. Technology allows us to remain connected to people across the country and around the world, but maintaining those connections sometimes comes at the expense of investing in the people who live around us. The Covid pandemic showed us that we could do things from home that we never thought possible.
As a result, many people find themselves surrounded by contacts, but lacking community. Belonging becomes an afterthought, something to do later, and increasingly difficult to cultivate.
A quick test you can do yourself is to think of your own neighbors. When was the last time you had them over, or met together at a local event or holiday?
A person may have a busy calendar filled with activity while still feeling isolated. Human beings seek something deeper than interaction. We seek familiarity, trust, mutual support, and shared experiences accumulated over time.
Belonging develops slowly and grows through repeated interactions, common traditions, and the willingness to invest in relationships.
Historically, communities played a central role in helping people pursue the American Dream. Churches, synagogues, temples, neighborhood associations, youth sports leagues, civic organizations, volunteer groups, and extended families provided support systems that helped people navigate life’s challenges. People found opportunities, friendships, and practical guidance through these networks long before they accumulated wealth.
These communities did more than provide assistance. They provided identity and answered a fundamental human question: Where do I belong?
The question remains just as important today.
Many people who feel dissatisfied with their lives assume they need a better job, a larger salary, or a different city. Sometimes those changes are necessary. Yet there are also times when what is missing is not another opportunity but a deeper connection to the people and community around us.
The pursuit of belonging requires intention. It requires planting roots somewhere and allowing time for those roots to grow. It requires investing in neighbors, friendships, local institutions, and shared traditions. It requires showing up consistently, even when there is no immediate reward.
Prosperity expands our options. Belonging gives us a place to enjoy them.
A richer and fuller life requires both, and it also needs purpose, which we will discuss next.
Next Chapter: Purpose
Previous Chapter: Prosperity